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It’s been five and half years since I shared my first Amazing. Priceless. Blessed. story. A lot has happened since then.
Good times, tough times, the best of times, the hardest of times – but we’re still here.
CFO was a ride I’m so glad I got to take, and it wouldn’t have been right anywhere else. We witnessed a few more miracles, reminding us a few more may be possible. I started a nonprofit with some friends. Believing if one person can make a difference, together we can make a lasting impact. Unity. Our mom, gifted back to us, continues to be our foundation and strength. Our dad had deep brain stimulation (DBS) surgery as we ran out of options to treat his Parkinson’s. He continues to amaze us every day with his resilience. My sister in law is doing well in spite of a string of health hurdles. Her silent strength felt in the amazing art she creates. I lost one of my best friends, my soul sister. My nephew was born! Doctors gave me 4-6 weeks to live. My brother still watches over us all.
I started chemo and yet remission was nowhere in the conversation. I had so many transfusions my body was confused as to what was host versus donor. Immuno-compromised and we were practicing COVID protocol way before it existed. But we were creative and had fun with it, normalized it so well. Me and mine always found ways to do the things that mattered. And when I couldn’t go anywhere for days or weeks on end, they were right there with me. Rotating, constant, unwavering, tireless…and most of all fun as $#%&!
5 and a half years. Weekly appointments, trying to think of the next thing to try and how to get by, just enough to get through the next week. Buying days at a time, making days into weeks, weeks into months, months into years. Repeatedly working my way up with the hope and love surrounding me to only be knocked down again, waiting to see if we would get up one more time. Hopeless laughter or laughing hopelessly, who knows.
Looking back, the past five years have been rough to say the least, yet Amazing.
I’m physically drained and deteriorated in a way I could have never imagined, yet I have never felt emotionally stronger or more at peace. Blessings on blessings, perspective is everything. Bonus time with loved ones, family and friends. Amazing times and somber moments. Fewer missed milestones and being here for them through some really tough times. Still laughing, still creating memories. Lessons learned and maybe some we should have learned! Each relationship uniquely special and irreplaceable. Especially the new ones!
Yes… my nephew was born. The sun, the moon, the earth. Everything. Sweet and a firecracker all in one, and I couldn’t love this combo more in him. My brother became a dad and I was here to see it, to be part of it. Watching him as an amazing father, full of love and joy. Seeing my sister in law blossom as a mom and the three of them become a family. Love seeing the best of them both in our little guy and absolutely love his naughtiness in full effect, annoying my brother in a way only I could until now.
My nephew knows me from more than pictures. We created lasting memories, and while no amount of memories would be enough, we treasure the ones we have and are still making. He knows my love for him from more than stories. Everything.
There were a few more new ones too! More nieces and nephews joined us and we were able to share a similar love and joy. Seeing my other brothers and sisters become parents, being able to share the experience with them and be here for whatever they needed. Forever bonds and undeniable connections. Making memories we will cherish forever even if they end here.
This week we are celebrating 9! 9 years since my unwelcomed guest showed up and declared real estate in my body.
Celebrating in a way I could not have dreamt. Yet another heartfelt, touching surprise that couldn’t have been timed better as an expression of love, solidarity, wealth of the heart and gratitude. My tribe, young to old, new ones to day ones, wrapping their arms around me with hope, giggles, support and pure love – all to a dope ass playlist. Some so tight so I can’t let go, others holding me up when I can’t do it myself, letting me know they are there for as long as I need but also understand if I have to go. Some keeping it normal in the best way possible, others sharing how they feel so things are not left unsaid. All of us sharing laughs, sometimes laughs disguising tears, but laughs nonetheless. Full of love, smiles, dance moves and the Godfather of Noise, Rahzel. Say word. Guess we are still the party crashers on your birthday (unwelcomed guest)!
The best of memories, volume all the way up, completely altering the tone and feel of the past few years. Priceless.
We were worried, some of us were scared, but we tried not to lose our focus. How could we, as we basked in all this bonus time. Engulfed in love and prayers from the seen and unseen as the sun shines on us whether it’s out or not.
Three weeks ago, we discontinued my weekly maintenance appointment. The last two months have been one of the toughest of times for me and mine. Not sure where we go from here. It’s been hard on my body and something had to give. Attempting to solve one issue, causing two more. Serious complications and way too many close calls. Procedures I wouldn’t wish on anyone and (until a few weeks ago) bounce backs I would hope for everyone!
So here we are, taking it day by day. Not sure what tomorrow holds, not sure if next week will come. But we are extremely grateful for the miracles we’ve had, the best bonus time possible and the memories we made.
A lot has happened since my first Amazing. Priceless. Blessed. story.
They say in life, timing is everything, and knowing when to stop is even more important than knowing when to start. That’s a harsh lesson and if you’ve learned this you know what I mean.
And so as I realized what I needed to do in that moment, I knew acceptance would soon follow and no matter how undeniable it was, it still hits us in a way that could be heard for miles.
As we wait to see what’s next, we’re surrounded by family and friends who are family. With us every step. Prayers, love, positive vibes, healing thoughts and blessings. Not sure how we are so blessed to have experienced love and support like this for a second time.
Hold on to your happy, and when you need a moment or a few, hopefully yours is holding on to you.
So here I am, showered with love and magic with silver linings flowing through, making me feel like my Masterpiece is complete, even if there are some blank spaces. I’m thankful for the countless blessings and all the people who have shaped me along the way… leaving me feeling if this is it, it is ok.
It may not be ok, but whatever is, is ok…
And then there’s a part of me that’s twinkling. Twinkling with hope, trying to burst through cause my tribe got me feeling like another miracle may just be possible.
A lot has happened since my first Amazing. Priceless. Blessed. story.
Thankfully some things haven’t changed. We all continue to discover just how strong we are. How resilient we are. Friends keep showing us how strong we can be together.
I don’t know if the best has already been written, but I know we’ll make the best of whatever is left to be written.
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